Killer Icebreaker 001 | Jokes

New category: Icebreakers.

I'm a goofy kid. Goofy lookin. Goofy actin. So part of this advice is because I'm biased. (keep that in mind)

Jokes are a great way to get poeple to like you and smile. Let's be honest, we've all got problems bringing us down. Lighten the mood.

Also, everyone knows an offensive joke. Racist, sexist, or just plain offensive. You can bond with someone like this. 

But be careful. I recently offended someone I was trying to connect with by telling them an offensive Joke.

Sorry Chris.

Networking Challenge 002 | Beer & Ramen Night

Screw drinks, Long Live Lunch

Throwing a dinner party presents an interesting challenge to the broke-ass networker. On the one hand, it's a fantastic opportunity to introduce people who might benefit from knowing each other (and thus your worth increases as well).

However, lavish dinner parties could run you hundreds, including alcohol. 

This is my solution:

Beer & Ramen Night. 

Find the cheapest beer you can buy and mix it with ramen which I can buy 3 bowls for $1. The whole thing ran me $20 for three people.

The guests apprecaiated it too because we've all had those beer and ramen nights in college. Bring back some memories. make some new ones.

Now You:

The Challenge: Throw a dinner party for at least 2 people and yourself. 
The Criteria: Keep the total cost under $40.
Don'ts: Go above $40
The real challenge: Not going above $40
Report Back 

Screw drinks, Long Live Lunch.

Secrets of Conversationalists

What role does storytelling have in conversation.

Better question: who traditionally suck at keeping a conversation going?

Storytellers? No, we like listening to them.

Storytellers get invited to join conversations. (and meet people)

Storytellers have their stories re-told (the next best thing to meeting someone).

For a fantastic book on the importance of stories, read this. 

The Secret to Landing Jobs

Fuck applying, Long Live Lunch.

The Secret:
Step 1: Find people you like working with or want to work for
Step 2: Find out what they do or what they're trying to do
Step 3: Imagine a way you can help them
Step 4: Pitch it

Actual Case Study: Landing an internship

I was a production assistant on a music video for a budding creative agency. After some thank-you emails when the job was done, I noticed they needed more help than they could pay for. Since most internships are unpaid, I figured, why not pitch them?

So I sent them an email suggesting I intern for them. They loved it. I started the next week. 

No one knew I didn't fill out an application. No one knew they hadn't thought of posting the internship somewhere. Not all opportunities will throw themselves at you. 

That's it. 

When I look back at all I accomplished in my creative career, 80% of the jobs I did I pitched.

100% of those were jobs I am either proud of or made me happy in some way.

Of the 20% that approached me, 90% were complete hell on earth.

The Burden of Networking

Fuck Waiting, Long Live Lunch

Little advertised secret to getting lunch:

Make the first move.

Little advertised secret to getting that account:

Make the first move.

Little advertised secret to starting that friendship:

Make the first move.

Do you think military commanders wait to make the second move? No, they're working their asses off to be the first.

He/She who hesitates are lost.

Break that ice. Extend that hand. Ask that person out.

Fuck waiting, Long Live Lunch.

How to Tell Someone You're Listening

Fuck Listening, Long Live Lunch.

How do you show someone you're genuinely listening to them?

Ever had someone sorta listen to you? How'd you feel?

Like shit right? What? You're too good to hear what I have to say?

Here's one way to tell someone you're listening:

Turn your chair and face them.

Take your headphones out.

Take off your sunglasses (fucking hate it when someone is too cool to tilt their shades).

Lean in. 

Give them your attention. 

Just do it.

Fuck Listening, Long Live Lunch.

How to Fail at Networking by Networking

Fuck networking, Long Live Lunch

 The best networkers don't network. They make friends.

The worst time to network is when you need to network.

Don't go to networking events. You'll only find a room full of despiration throwing business cards like confetti.

I want to help you find a job, and I don't want to go to networking events because I don't like feeling used. 

Come up to me and ask me to forward your resume then never speak to me again?

You don't get to use me like that. 

No one likes feeling used. We may be used, and use others, but don't make it so fucking obvious.

Try to get to know me. Make me emotionally invested in your success. 

Help me to help you.

Find me outside of some sham event where you are expected to use me. I like pizza.

Generosity.

Fuck networking, Long Live Lunch

How to Start a Conversation | Tim's Mind Trick

Fuck shy, be bold and Long Live Lunch.

I had a friend in college, Tim, a networking beast. I learned so much from him.

As a Freshman in collge in a city I never lived in on a coast I had no friends I:

• Joined a school's soccer team at a college I did not attend (I don't play soccer)
• Attended dinners and lunches at the Jesuit residence (students didn't ever do this, let alone freshman)
• Joined a church at another college (different from where I played soccer and attended) and hopped from dorm to dorm with impunity playing guitar, Mafia, Jenga and eating cheese fries.
• And much, much more. 

He had a mind trick that does two things for us

1. Instantly brought two people closer
2. Put you in control of the situation

Here's how he did it:

Scenerio 1: Meeting Someone (First Conversation)
Typical: How are you doing?
Tim's Trick: How are we doing?
How it worked: Assumed the two people had already met, already had several conversations to get closer, positioned your well being with theirs. 
Result: Conversation is easier. 

Scenerio 2: Asking for a meeting/date/study session/coffee
Typical: Do you want to go to the libray? Can you meet Thursday? Are you free Saturday for coffee?
Tim's Trick: What time are we going to the library? We're still meeting Thursday right? We still on for coffee Saturday?
How it worked: Friends make plans. They've already discussed them. Then they confirm. Tim had the balls to assume you already had that conversation and TELL you that you were doing something with him.
Result: 9 times out of 10, I did what he wanted. It was like a fucking Jedi mind trick. And when I backed out, I had to fight hard.

Fuck shy, be bold and Long Live Lunch. 

Oh, and Tim's really successful. 

Networking Challenge 001 | The Deli Man

Ferris works at the deli next to my office. I greet him in his native tongue of Arabic every time I see him.

He's from Yemen. I'd imagine if I was born in Yemen, I'd be something like Ferris.

What I mean is that we should be friends. We should be haning out. But we don't. I couldn't tell you why.

Too busy? Don't want to make it awkward? Don't know what my friends will say? Whatever.

This week, I'm going to ask Ferris to coffee on his lunch break. I'm going to give him my cell and we're going to bond goddammit.

Now You:

The Challenge: Ask someone to lunch/coffee/breakfast.
The Criteria: Must be someone you normally would not have lunch/coffee with, and can in no remote way advance your station in life. This is honest and innocent, do not track mud into our house.
Don'ts: Drinks or dinner, keep it under $20 for your bill
The real challenge: Mean it. Be honest. Try to be friends. Keep in touch.
Report back 

A Waste of Time

Down with time wasting, Long Live Lunch.

Read this book or keep making your same mistakes.

Whatever you're reading right now, is wasting your time.

It might be a great book, written by the next Hemmingway. Doesn't matter.

Because it's not How to Win Friends and Influence People.

It's $3 used. Buy it.

Down with time wasting, Long Live Lunch.

The First Mistake Interns Make

Fuck Microsoft Word, Long Live Lunch.

I'm an internship coordinator for LOOSEWORLD.

It's my job to screen resumes for internships (lots of them).

I get resumes as Word docs (lots of them).

I hate it when someone sends me a resume in anything but a PDF. The reason is because I've set PDFs to open with Apple's Preview application, which loads faster than both Microsoft Word or Acrobat Reader.

If I'm interested in you, make it easy on me to open your resume.

Fuck Microsoft Word, Long Live Lunch.

Stop Using Business Cards

Fuck the business card, long live lunch.

Business cards: I don't like to use them.

I may have them, but I don't carry them around with me anymore.

Business cards are shallow. Business cards are for procrastinators.  

If we meet, and I want to get your contact information, I'm going to do it there and then. Take my phone out and dial you so you have my humber too.

I will email you in 5 mintures so you have mine. Let's do lunch instead of letting yours and my business cards rot in our pockets.

Rot amongst the dozens I get from other people. 

I don't give a fuck if you have a piece of cardboard with your name and that useless title. If we can help each other, then let's do it.

Not pretend to do it.

Fuck the business card, long live lunch.